Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
worst night to have a conscience
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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