it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
