I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
