I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
