please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
