you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
