So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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