I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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