why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
