he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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