that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
