I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
