I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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