I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
