Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
