Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
