I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
