If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
