She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
