if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
