every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
