I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
