we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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