the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
