the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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