After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
