sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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