Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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