And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
