is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
