she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am mentally ready for anal.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
