I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
