Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
