Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mouth tastes like poor choices
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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