i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
