so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
