This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
