I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
