You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
