And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
