I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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