Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
