i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
