y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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