he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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