I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
