Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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