I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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