I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
