K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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