thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
