Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
