My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
